• How to forgive

    Yes, you are hurt, and maybe even angry. Someone did you wrong and you can not justify their actions, you hold on to your resentment and anger because to you it seems easier than to accept the pain and forgive the action and person who inflicted it on you.

    In the previous article  “Forgiveness the road to healing” we realize the many benefits of forgiveness and how it actually benefits the forgiver a lot more than the forgiven. Once the initial emotional whirlwind settles then you are faced with a question, do you forgive? And if you decide you are ready for it, how do you go about it?

    First you must understand the true meaning of forgiveness. It does not mean in any way that you forget what happened, it does not mean that you should verbally tell the person you forgive them or excuse their actions, it does not mean that you stop having feelings about the situation, it does not mean that the person should remain in your life, or that the relationship is OK and you don’t need to work at it, and most of all forgiveness is done for you.

    Accepting what happened and deciding to let go only allows you to be at peace with yourself to help you heal. And although it is a challenge to do so especially if the pain is rooted so deeply, but once anger is released and emotions settle the advantages outweigh the difficulty.

    There are many tools to help you overcome the hurt and to forgive, here are a few suggestions to get you started but first find a peaceful place that allows yourself the freedom to reflect and have an inner dialogue.

    • First you have to think about the incident and acknowledge your feelings and how it made you react. Decide to accept what happened now that you are more aware of your emotions and actions.
    • Ask yourself how you can turn this to an advantage; can you see it from a positive angle instead? What did you learn from it? How did it change you as a person? Did it help you grow? You survived it, so it must have made you stronger. Try to search for the positives and change your focus to things that work for your advantage.
    • Writing things down always help, you can list all the negative feelings that took place, and once you read them out loud to yourself, and acknowledge them, be ready to rip the paper up and through it away. Your subconscious mind seeing the physical action of ripping and letting go the negative will follow suite and help you release all that is bad.
    • Realize that the person who hurt you is probably struggling as well, they too are acting from limiting beliefs and a victim perspective, as usually most people act from fear paradigms, which at times bring out negative behavior. Most likely that person acted in such a hurtful way out of a need that is missing in their lives. Trying to figure out what and why can help in your understanding and accepting what happened.
    • It is your choice to actually tell the person that you have forgiven them. The idea is for you to reach forgiveness not necessarily sharing it. Just acknowledging it to yourself and going through the process internally will help you reach that inner peace.

    Once you decide to forgive it takes you to a place, which you rise above as a person. Bringing out the best in you rather than the worst. You act from a place of love and compassion, which is the road to healing and happiness. It sets you free and makes you stronger as a person. A journey worth embarking on.

     

    By Life Coach, Mira Khatib

     

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